Brian Braiker of Newsweek recently sat down with minister and co-author of the popular "Left Behind" series, Tim LaHaye. Braiker's interview was pointed and relevant but obviously slanted to the secular side.

At one point during the interview, Braiker mentions LaHaye's recent donation to Liberty University for a hockey rink. He then asks why LaHaye would make that investment if he feels so strongly that end times are near. LaHaye defended the move by explaining the rink's purpose.

"We’re concerned about the salvation of individual souls," says LaHaye.

Furthermore, Braiker's question has been asked of the Jehova's Witness group by Rick Ross. The JW's have been announcing the quickly approaching end times for decades, but this group used to go so far as to make actual dated predictions for it's ocurrance. These short term predictions were taking place at the same time as the church's long term property investments.

While I disagree with the JW's theology and translation of the scriptures, I feel it is important to remind Brian at Newsweek of one simple fact in life. The stuff we own, the paychecks we get, and the very shirts on our backs do not get to come with us when we die. All we are left with is the soul God created and the man you are so desparately trying to break down in this interview is desparately trying to save yours.

"All the world is a battlefield open in front of us." - says Al-Qaeda deputy
leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri (Eye-man al-Zaa waa hee ree.)

Arabic television station, Al-Jazeera, released another tape yesterday featuring al-Zawahiri urging Muslims world-wide to wage war on Israel. I often wonder why the station continues to release tapes of this kind into the world, but I'm remided by the fact that so few Arabic Emirates can decode multi-layered mpeg-2 formatted digital video discs.

al-Zawahiri stated that the whole world is their battlefield and called for all the "downtrodden" in the world to take arms with him against "tyrannical Western civilization and its leader, America." If by "western civilization" he's referring to everything west of the west-coast of the Middle East all the way around the globe to the east-coast of the Middle East, then I would have to agree. America is the leader.

"How can we remain silent while watching bombs raining on our people," he asks.

Answer: Out of fear of those bombs raining down on you. Oh, and in response to al-Zawahiri appearing on tape to a backdrop of a picture the WTC Towers burning, Chaseblogger has posted picture of his superior (blank)-ing a goat.

EDIT: I have to add that I while I did search the internet for an astonishing 5 minutes (Google Image Search), I could not find a picture of Bin Laden being intimate with a goat. Please accept this donkey image in its place. Thank you to my readers for catching the subtle differences!

. . . well, she is admittedly, but only becuase of insanity. Her defense - the devil made her do it. Yes, Andrea Yates drowned her young children at home in their bath tub 5 years ago when she claimed that Satan was inside of her and had to save her children from hell.


If Yates was right minded enough to identify that she was possesed by Lucifer and that hell was a state she did not want her children in, then she was sane enough to know that what she was doing was absolutely wrong.


Insane or not, this killer has long road ahead of her that will ultimately lead to redemption or damnation and there are no appeals courts on that side of eternity.

President Bush just backed a bill that makes it a federal crime for doctors or other adults to help minors evade parental-notification requirements by crossing state lines for an abortion.

Underage girls are still able, however, to have unprotected sex with single or multiple partners without parental notification. It seems to me that the parents are failing in their responsiblities to raise these girls and there is no legislation that can redeem them from their failure.

I've always maintained that N'Sync's music was gay and now I have proof. In an upcoming issue of People magazine, Lance Bass humors the nation by revealing that he is indeed gay.

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers
in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay),
it would overpower everything," says Bass.

This news goes to show that just as every boy-band has a "bad boy" they also have a gay one. Menudo had Ricky Martin, New Kids on the Block had Jonathan Knight, and the Backstreet Boys have Nick Carter.

"The thing is, I’m not ashamed. . ." Bass explains of his decision to come out. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I'm just happy (gay)."

Steely Dan is demanding an apology from Owen Wilson for his recent role in the movie, "You, Me and Dupree." The band, known mostly for its hits in the 70's, insits that the movie's title character is lifted from their grammy award-winning song about a hormonal houseguest called, "Cousin Dupree."

“when it came time to change the character’s name or whatever so people wouldn’t
know what a rip the whole (censored word) thing was, they didn’t even bother to
think up a new (censored word) name for the guy!” say band leaders Walter Becker
and Donald Fagen.

The Wilson brothers' publicist has declined to comment on the issue, so allow me. I stand by the Wilsons' decision not to make any apologies and would like to confess that when I was child, my mom named my first dog, Aja. Yes, right from the (censored word) Steely Dan album and (censored word) song of the same name.

According to imdb.com,
Mike LeSieur is the writer responsible for this project. Not Owen Wilson. If Steely Dan feels they can demand apologies from people who are not responsible for the action in question, then I will do so as well. I hereby demand an apology from Steely Dan for demanding an apology from Owen Wilson.

This is going to add up to little more than a rant more than anything. The victim - Blogger.com. I decided today to test the "next blog" button in an effort to view a vast assortment of blogs in this gigantic community of bloggers. It seems like only 2 out of 10 blogs I get are in English and most blogs don't even have the button causing me to hit a reader's dead-end. How is this supposed to a positve feature to your website? It's frusterating, confusing and useless. Sometimes, I'll get the same three german blogs over and over and over. I don't want to see the new Hasslehoff video.

Lastly, I do most of (ok all of) my reading and blogging while at work on the clock, of course. I'm sure my company does not take kindly to adult websites popping up on its employees' monitors, and nor does my wife at home for that matter. Couldn't you take the adult listed blogs OFF the "next blog" featured button? It would be appreciated.

My only offered solution is to make the feature universal and relevant to all languages, and safe for any reading atomosphere.

Sincerely,

The Chaseblogger Team
(which as always, consists of only me.)

Hilary Clinton, NY Democrat, recently said that ad axecutives are so bent on taking control of America's children, they'd put a computer chips kids' brains if they could.

"At the rate that technology is advancing, people will be implanting chips in our children to advertise directly into their brains and tell them what kind of products to buy," Clinton said at the Kaiser Family Foundation.

This chip is not to be confused with the chip that can be implanted into your brain and allow you to play Sudoku at work without a computer, or my favorite, the white chocolate chip.

Finally! Baby suri, the illegitimate child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, has been seen ( and held!) by a reliable non-biased source. That source, Leah Remini, a fellow Scientologist. Of baby Suri, Remini states that she is a beaming baby and that she looks like Tom and Katie. How amazingly non-descriptive. Who else is she going to look like!?

"(They're) just great parents,” Remini says. “There wasn’t a second she was out of their arms except when I held her.”

Well, and except for all the times that both Cruise and Homles have been spotted in public without the baby over the past 3 months. If leaving your child in the direct care of cult members who's organization is responsible for victims like Lisa Mcpherson, then I'm doing a much worse job at parenting than I originally thought.

I tried to find the most unflattering picture possible.

Sandra L. Piovesan, 50, died this earlier this week. Her body was found mauled inside the fenced pen where she kept her pets - hybrid wolves. An autopsy has yet to determine the offical cause of death but I'm putting my money on being eaten by wolves.

Experts say that wolf hybrids do not make good pets. For the record, other animals to avoid as pets are grizzly bears, tigers, aligators, deadly snakes, and sharks riding on the backs of elephants.

"She loved those wolves just like pets," Lee Neslar, executive director of the Western Pennsylvania Humane Society said. Now those wolves loved her- just like a slow roasted rack of lamb.

Ooooh, the president said the "S" word and I am so telling Congress on him.

President Bush was in Russia over the weekend for the G8 summit. During a private conversation with Tony Blair, President Bush stragically used a sentance enhancer. Unbeknownst to our president, Blair had on a mic pack that was mistakenly still turned on.

"I think Condi is going to go pretty soon," Bush said.

"Right, that's all that matters, it will take some time to get that together," replies Blair.

"What they need to do is to get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit." Bush states plainly.

If the president spoke that clearly to the rest of nation, I'm sure his approval rating would sky-rocket. If that's what I had to look forward to, I would probably even watch the State of the Unionn Address.

"Nation," our president would say, "terrorists have us scared shitless, and our economy is fucked. But the United States of America stands strong and will hold it's high and move forward. Can I get a 'Hell Yeah!'?"

I was just reading the latest headlines on the Drudge Report. In one story covering the turmoil in Lebanon, the president of Iran was quoted as saying that Israel's actions are now similar to Hitler's. I can only assume that Ahmednejad is comparing The assualt against Lebanon to the holocaust. I suppose that could be an accurate comparison, if not for the fact that Iran's president believes the holocaust is a "myth."

". .they have created a myth in the name of Holocaust and consider it to be above
God, religion and the prophets," said Ahmednejad to thousands of people in the
southeastern city of Zahedan, Iran.

If he doesn't believe in the holocaust then what the heck was he comparing the attacks against Lebanon to? Was he trying to say that although it looks like Isarael is attacking the Lebanese, it is in fact an elaborate fabrication, or was he just saying, "Hey, those Israelies don't eat pork, and coincedentaly, neither did Hitler."

"Avoid non-essential travel in Lebanon," warns the Department of State.

Despite all the excitement around the Lebanese region in recent days, American citizens are being urged to not travel to that particular area of the world. The statement comes as a bit of a shock to all of us here at Chaseblogger (just me) considering our nation is reaching the peak of the vacation season.

Many of you may be asking yourself, "Where am I going to get my Baked Kafteh or Sheik El Mehshey?" Unfortunately, you will have to wait for the dust to settle before sinking your teeth into any fine Lebanese foods.

"But my husband already took his vacation for that week, what are we to do now," you might ask? I hear Bhagdad is nice in July.

Comedy Central is putting the "Trapped in the Closet" South Park episode back into rotation! The episode will air on July 19, 2006. The channel failed to comment on the reason for the intial cancelation of the scientology mocking installment or for it's sudden return. Perhaps Tom Cruise is now too busy keeping baby Suri in her thetan proof bubble.

This recent turn of events is a major victory for Chaseblogger in the battle against the Scientology cult, even though I did nothing to contribute to the battle other than publish my complaint a few months ago.

I'm almost certain that nobody affiliated with South Park are reading this publication, but just in case I'm going to pass on a creative lead for a future episode. Matt, Trey, I think it's time to set your sights on Madonna and her trendy, water-drinking, string-wearing club.

Ann Coulter likes the sound of her own voice. After an interview she did with the New York Post did not get printed, Coulter took matters into her own hands.

". . .I wasted my time answering for the Post's Larry
Getlen," Coulter said.

She then proceeded to waste her readers time by posting what is supposed to be believed as the actual ver batim NY Post interview. No worries, I will not post it here. Impressively, Coulter's answers to each of Getlen's questions were quick, witty, and sharp. When asked to define a liberal in political terms, Coulter shot back,

"Naive, misinformed fanatical Mother Earth-worshipers and
fervent America-haters — and those are their good traits."

Wow! and that's answering on the fly without prior knowledge of the questions or any consideration beforehand. Impressive, indeed. If I were Coulter, I would probably have stewed in resentment that Angelina Jolie is garnering more press coverage (attention) than I am and would have proceeded to modify my answers in such a way that improves my overall approval rating.

Coulter's calm and collected attitude toward the print neglect leads me to believe that this is not the case. She doesn't strike me as someone who would hang on to resentment or cling to bitterness. No, she's gracefull, sweet, and adoring in every way possible. Her sentiments toward her relationship with the NY Post moving forward,

"I have sold a LOT of books — more books, come to think of it, than any writers
at the New York Post."

Maturely said, Coulter, maturely said.

Grace Sherwood, a.k.a. the Witch of Pungo, was exonerated by Virgina Gov. Timothy M. Kaine on Monday. Sherwood, tried by water, was convicted 300 years ago of being a witch when she floated in Lynnhaven River after being tied up and tossed in.

"With 300 years of hindsight, we all certainly can agree that trial by
water is an injustice," Kaine wrote.

Was trial by water really an injustice? Simple logic tells us that any normal human being would sink in water after being hog-tied and thrown in a river. Women who do not sink must be involved in pagan rituals of witchcraft. How else would they stay afloat!?

I have to say that I do take issue with this governor for his inability to uphold and defend our nation's judicial system. Our courts, however long ago, found Sherwood guilty of witchraft. Unless new forensic evidence has come to light proving her innocence, I feel that overturning the original verdict is a lousy call and a slippery slope.

Michael Jackson appeared in court today to his own defense via satellite. The worlds oddest human being, second only to Kim Jong Il, is being sued by his former video producer, Marc Shaffel, for $1.5 million over an alleged breach of contract.


Jackson says he cut off all to ties to Shaffel after the veiwing, err discovery, of his works in the gay porn industry.

"I was shocked by what I saw. ... [Schaffel] was directing two guys. They were naked from head to toe ... and he was telling one what to do with the other and he grabbed their penis or something. I didn't believe it!" said Jackson.

Jackson went on to say that he was concerned that "mothers" would not approve of his association with someone in the gay porn industry. Apparently, he didn't see any need to keep his home free of hard-core heterosexual porn magazines and DVDs which cops found in November 2003 before being arrested on molestation charges.

When questioned, Jackson said he was shocked to learn that Schaffel had been "in that circle. . ." jerk.

Kim Jong Il flexed his nation's third arm this week with a barrage of cock-rocket trials. The result of the taipodong-2 missle launches was short and dissapointing.

With a hang time of under one minute each, the missle's engineers appear to be in need of some rocket science Viagra. During an emergency U.N. security counsel meeting, the United States and Japan have proposed a resolution to sanction North Korea until all nuclear programs have been stopped.

The resolution also proposed that the world's six leading nations (The U.S., some European countries, and. . . well it's not important who) have also agreed to hold a special summit during which they will view "Team America: World Police." While being extremely humorous in it's satire, the movie may point our world's leaders to a better understanding of why Kim Jong Il hates us all so so much.

"We have done everything we could think of to end this war, we have protested, held marches, vigils ... lobbied, written letters to Congress. . .Now it is time to bring the pain and suffering of war home. We are putting our bodies on the line for peace."

Cindy Sheehan and her support group of war haters have embarked on a safe and almost daring protest in an attempt to bring our soldiers home from Iraq. Sheehan along with 3 other hard-core activists have started a serious long-term fast. They plan to deprive their bodies of everything but water, tea and juices until their demands have been met OR until September 1st. Whichever comes first.

Sheehan's defiant actions have attracted outspoken celebrities like ecstasy pills attract Lindsay Lohan to a club. Mega celebs like Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon and Danny Glover have all agreed to take part in the hunger strike back-up plan dubbed the "Rolling" fast. This completely harmless campaign is set up as a relay in which participants will refuse food for at least 24 hours at which point they will pass the torturous relay stick over to the next person.

I remember reading in school history books of a time during the Vietnam war in which Buddhist monks protested by dousing themselves with gasoline and lighting themselves on fire. I can recall watching Ben Kingsly as Ghandi depriving himself of food to the point of near death in order to pursuade an enitire government. I seriously doubt that George W. Bush will care that Sheehan and friends will be hungry over summer vacation. Nor will he care that a few annoying celebrities will be taking the Big Macs out of their fat America hating faces for one day. I may have crossed a line on that one, I apologize. I'm sure Sarandon, Penn and Glover do not frequent Mcdonalds.

Kenneth Lay, first Enron and now his heart. This poor soul experienced more miserable failures in the last years of life than most people should have to endure. It looks as though this heart attack couldn't have come at a more opportune time for this founder of Enron Corp. who faced decades in prison.

Is it possible that the stress of Lay's pending sentancing was more than his heart could handle and it just "gave out?" I suppose. Is it also possible that Lay didn't want to face justice and devised a plan to take his own life? More likely the latter.

Didn't anyone in Lay's circle let him know that he would surely not be doing time in a "regular" prison. Obviously, a formerly successfull white executive would do his time in a sissy jail like Martha Stewart.

I suggest we carry out the sentance anyway by having his body cremated, placed in a bright orange urn and locked up in a celll with someone for the next 40 years. It is important to send the message out that nobody can escape American justice, not even heart attack victims.

A quick note

Our nation is polarized on the issue. The media is saturated with the topic. The war in Iraq. It seems the question to date has been wether or not there are strong al-Qaida ties in Iraq. We now have our second Bin Laden tape this week praising the efforts of al-Qaida in Iraq, warning the Sunnis (or was it the Shi 'ites?) not to cooperate with the Americans and warning the U.S.A. not to get involved in Somalia.

If Bin Laden's He-men freedom haters club wasn't breeding and developing in Iraq, then why on Earth would he keep showing so much concern in our occupation there?