Mormon 'temple recommends' to include bar codes

The Mormon Church does not open its temple doors to the public. Entry into one of these sacred meeting places requires a properly signed official church voucher called a temple recommend. In an apparent effort to protect church rituals and secrets, the old recommends are being replaced with new versions that include a personal bar code. (Bar codes for people? Time to check the rapture index.)

How does one go about getting a temple recommend? For starters, you'll have to answer a series of questions to determine your worthiness. Questions like:

• Have you ever committed murder or adultery?
• Do you believe in God and in Jesus Christ?
• Do you believe the Latter Day Saint Church is a restoration of pure Christianity?
• Will you be loyal to church leaders?
• Is your family in harmony with the teachings of the church?

If you're like me, you've probably noticed that Mormons seem to be some the absolute nicest people on the planet. Ever notice that the Mormon families always appear to have it all together? Well, here's the reason why. The LDS Church hand selects who gets to be called a Mormon and who doesn't. Its like a stacked deck. If you don't have you life in order or if you have ever behaved in a way that church officials disagree with, well then I guess you just aren't ever getting in. Sorry.